“As God is my witness,” the line from Gone with the Wind begins, “…as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”
As God is my witness, I will never move myself again. Next time, I’m hiring someone.
I’ve just started using two indispensable Firefox extensions:
Highlighter - What it does: select a block of text, right-click and select “highlight”. Very nice when trying to pull out interesting bits. Also has several other useful features like instant highlighting when you select text, tracker icons for jumping back to highlighted sections, and the ability to select different highlight colors.
SessionSaver - This extension saves everything you were viewing when you closed Firefox, so when you come back to the computer you can read where you left off. You can also do cool stuff like sync your session to a previous session over FTP, or even back up a session to a file. Feature list.
I went through and tossed more of my junk tonight in a bid to lighten the move up to Dallas since I’d like to get it done in one trip. The biggest things I own are the washer and dryer, but I have several boxes of stuff I’ve been lugging around for ten plus years: letters and sentimental stuff, a couple boxes of Mad magazines and comic books I used to collect, and piles of old college-era notes and papers. One thing I need to remember: stop buying notebooks and art supplies. I must have about ten pads of nice Bristol paper I’ve barely touched that I bought in one of those moments where I thought I might start drawing again. The little part of me that used to draw is in hiding, but I know he’s still there somewhere down deep.
Going through all that stuff made me feel like crap; old, stupid and nostalgic. It’s ironic in a way that ten years after moving to Austin I’m finally leaving. Something tells me I won’t get off that easy. Austin and the ghosts of Austin will stay with me.
I called Jody because I wanted to feel better, but she’s not one for babying me even though that’s what I was fishing for. We talked for a short while then I told her I was going to “run for the border” to get something to eat. I ended up surfing around for another hour or so until midnight and went to IHOP instead, the same IHOP where I would normally have a TM meeting. Brenda, the waitress I see every Monday morning, didn’t even recognize me although that’s probably because I was out of my context, showing up at night, unshaved and desperate looking. It is strange to expect recognition and then get none. I sat and read “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter”, and bolted down a plate of pancakes. IHOP was crowded with high school kids and other people out on the town and their presence just added to my sense of alienation. I ate as fast as I could and split.
Another image from the Carl’s Corner truckstop, which sells Willie Nelson’s biodiesel.
Video from the point of view of an elusive Iraqi sniper. Warning: Depictions of violence, albeit from far away. Interesting inside view into war.
Carmakers widen seats for wider … seats “The 2006 Civic offers front seats that are three-quarters of an inch wider than those in the 2005 model. Purpose: “To meet the growing needs of our customers,” spokesman Sage Marie says.”
You may remember a mention I made over a year ago about bottlefeeding a newborn calf who had lost his mother. During my visits to Oklahoma over the past year, I watched him grow from a wobbling baby into a solid young bull. He went from tugging on the bottle to shoving you out of the way while you tried to pour feed into his trough. As he grew, he became more standoffish; glowering from his corral like a sullen teenager.
Two weeks ago he was “put up”, which is to say slaughtered and butchered. And last week we had him for dinner.
After eating the same animal you helped raise it leaves you with a feeling of ambivalence. I understand now why primitive people honored the animals they hunted. They lived with an intimate connection to the natural world.
When I was a vegetarian, I thought I could buy my way out of the world’s cruelty. If I could just stop eating meat, I would somehow store up some credit with the universe. Nevermind that I wore leather shoes. This moral fiction provided a way for me to avoid the pain of reality; that I am a fleeting bloom of life like everything else in this bloody world.
Gospel of Thomas, saying number 60: “They saw a Samaritan carrying a lamb going into Judaea. He said to his disciples: Why does he carry the lamb? They said to him: That he may kill it and eat it. He said to them: So long as it is alive he will not eat it, but if he kill it and it become a corpse. They said: Otherwise he will not be able to do it. He said to them: You also, seek for yourselves a place within for rest, lest you become a corpse and be eaten.”
Yeah, well, I’m the only one at work today, but then I’m the guy who’s leaving. I expected everyone else to be here, but I’m out of touch with what everyone else does. It’s entirely possible I was apprised of everyone else’s schedule, but it didn’t stick. I also don’t really do vacations. I’m more of a long weekend kind of guy. I’ll take off a Friday here and there. That’s about all I need usually to feel rested. If I can plan my time off around the weekend it’s a lot more efficient, especially since I don’t have anything like paid vacation time at the moment.
I left for Oklahoma right after work last Wednesday. I made good time driving north and arrived around eleven; two hours before anyone expected me. When got out of the car, I stretched and sucked in the night air; crisp and fresh like a bite into a chilled apple. Looking overhead, you could see the Milky Way stretching in a band across the sky like a string of faraway Christmas lights. Closer to the horizon, the orange, gibbous moon hung like an ornament above the clouds.
I walked up to the house where I could see light spilling from the livingroom near the front. I had to knock a couple of times before anyone heard me because they were all watching the weather and I was unexpectedly early.
Once inside, I dropped off my bags and gifts near the dining room table. Jody gave me a big hug, and her mom heated up a bowl of chili for me as we all joked around with one another in the kitchen. I took a moment to bask in a warm sense of welcome, a sheepish smile glued to my face.
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