Letter Never Sent

I’ve been reading about the insurgency in Iraq with some interest. Despite the fact that I have a loved one there who I do not want to see harmed in any way, the rebel in me roots for the underdogs, these poor, proud third-worlders who lack kevlar and air support, fighting with Soviet era weaponry against the world’s most elite military. I don’t mean to minimize the significance of people dying, however in the abstract, from where I stand, there is something romantic and wild about it. It is the kind of thing that would make a good movie, and maybe in Iraq in ten years, there will be a movie about it.

I’ve been following the coverage closely, and I have been looking up a few things here and there wishing I could understand all languages, especially Arabic. One thing I was checking out, is the meaning of the word Mehdi, the name that Sadr’s Shiite militia goes by. Here is an excerpt of some interesting reading on the subject:

The term “MEHDI” is a title meaning “Guided one”. The Mehdi is a normal man who is going to follow the true Islam. His name will be Muhammad and his father name will be Abdullah. He is a descendant from Ali and Fatima (daughter of the prophet Muhammad) so he will be descendant from al-Hasan or al-Hussain or both. The Mehdi will be very just and his capital will be Damascus. The Mehdi is NOT a prophet but he is the final Rightly Guided Khalifah. The Mehdi will lead Muslims to a great victory against the Sufyaani and the Romans. This great war or Armageddon. It will end up with a great victory to Muslims against Romans after six years. Muslims will take over their capital Rome (this can be any city). In the seventh year, the Dajjal (antichrist) will appear and a greater war will start between his followers and the believers for 40 days (longer that usual days) and will end when ‘Eessa (“Jesus”) will come, slay the Dajjal along with his followers. All remaining people will convert into Islam. Peace will pervade the whole world.

From that, it seems many Iraqis have a completely different view of the American occupation, and that if the US tries to overwhelm the insurgents and destroy them, they may end up undoing their coalition and contributing to more chaos.

Today is my birthday. My father actually called me two days before to make plans to come up for dinner, which is highly unusual but encouraging. My mother called me this morning with her traditional birthday greeting which starts out with her singing the Beatles’ “They Say It’s Your Birthday” over the telephone. Then she starts telling me about the day I was born, how she broke her water at 11am and how I popped out at 3:30pm in a hurry, as usual. I’ve heard this story many times throughout my life and I actually look forward to it. It’s a comforting and familiar tradition. Often times, they would describe how they first saw me, “then the nurse brought me a little spider monkey, all arms and legs.” And they always talk about how proud they were. It’s the kind of tradition I’d like to share with my own children; waking them with obnoxious singing and describing the day of their birth.

So, the new job is going well and I really like the people. Last week during lunch I went on a three mile hike out at Emma Long Park with a coworker. We’re going to try to make it a regular thing and get some more people into it. I would have gone with the group today, but I didn’t have the right shoes. Last time I went, I wore my Docs and while crossing the stream I got my left foot soaked, so I want to make sure I at least wear those and not these loafers I have on. That won’t do.

I’ve been trying to walk more and get more exercise since I have hit 185 lbs. I guess that’s not a whole lot since I’m 6’1″, but it’s the most I’ve ever weighed. Everyone tells me I’m just getting my ‘man’ body. I’m definitely developing my ‘man’ eyebags and forehead crags. I am noticing that over the years my face has started to sag too. Not that anyone else would notice, but that seems to be the main difference between me at 27 and me at 21, more meat on my face and a general puffiness and sag in places where everything was once taut. Age is an interesting process.

Movies I’ve seen in the past couple of weeks:

1. Dawn of the Dead:
   The woman and I went to see this. It was really scary. I forgot what a wuss I was when it comes to scary movies. For some reason, zombie movies really affect me. Maybe because your family and friends turn into walking corpses and you have to chop their heads off or blow them away. Maybe that’s it.
2. Something’s Gotta Give:
   This was really great if you like sentimental, romantic comedies, which I do. Very nice.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
   Philip, Courtney, Jody, and I went to see this on Saturday night after dinner and checking out the goodbye Origin party at Lord British‘s house. The party was crowded and since it was dark and there were few lights it was hard to mingle, so we left. The movie was a lot of fun and I really liked Kate Winslet’s character. It made me think a lot about memory and forgetting and how it’s better to go through things and process them instead of just trying to forget them.

Other things of note:

study to diagnose this problem I have where I stop breathing during sleep. I went in at 9:30pm after work on Thursday and this nice technician named Rachel hooked all these electrodes to my body before I went to bed. She was really interesting. She told me some stories about her travels to Thailand and about yoga. She’s also studying to be a massage therapist and since she has to have so many hours she told me I should call her and she could get Jody and I a free massage. She said she’d also set me up with some of her fellow classmates as massage guinea pig. I slept really lightly all night and woke up a few times. It’s weird to know that you’re on camera while sleeping. In the morning, Rachel woke me up and gave me juicy juice (which I squeezed slightly and spilt on myself) and granola bars. It was an interesting experience. I go back to the doctor in a couple weeks to find out what’s going on.

Saturday when we were out eating lunch at La Feria, I ran into this woman I went to middle school with in San Antonio. I knew I knew her, but it took me a while to go talk to her since we haven’t really talked on a regular basis since I was 11. I saw her a few years ago with her girlfriend when I worked at the photo lab on the drag. Now she’s a personal trainer and works at the YMCA helping kids out and working with them. She’s really into boxing and looks like she could beat the crap out of me. The first thing she said to me was that I really filled out. I can’t escape it. I guess I was so skinny for so long that now it’s the most obvious difference. We exchanged business cards, and who knows, maybe I’ll pay her to whip me into shape since she’s doing that whole personal trainer thing.

I will try to post more when I get some more time. Is SXSW over now? I can’t tell and I don’t know.

Jody and I were getting ready to get in the car at her place and we both heard a weird noise. I thought some sort of animal was injured or something but it just didn’t sound right. So, we kept walking towards the sound and turning our heads to zero in on it, and we looked up and there were two small owls in the tree above us. One on a branch not ten feet away and the other above and to the left above us. They were calling to each other. We stood there amazed and watched them watch us and then one flew down and buzzed us, or so it seemed, and flew to another tree. The other one closest to us stayed for a while and regarded us, and then it flew silently over to the same tree as the other. At the risk of sounding cheeseball, it was an amazing experience.

After doing some research, my best guess is that they were Whiskered Screech Owls. Most likely a breeding pair, which makes sense as they will begin laying in April or May. You can find more information and hear their call here.

I can really see myself becoming interested in bird watching. I can watch nature and wildlife shows for hours. One of my favorite ones is the National Geographic documentary on the wildlife of the Namib Desert in Africa. I remember watching this in 2nd or 3rd grade at a friend’s house. It was narrated by Burgess Meredith and had so many amazing animals, cartwheeling spiders, beetles who collected morning dew, sand-burrowing sidewinder vipers, and lizards who would moisten their own eyeballs with their tongue.

New job is okay and I like many things about it. Many things are the same, same kinda company albeit smaller and more personal, same types of people albeit different, same area albeit with a nicer view since I have a window, same free t-shirts, same breakroom-type stuff.

Enough things are different to make it fun: new people, new desk, new fast computer, new stuff to learn, new things to remember, new promises to self, new social dynamic, new work aim name, new email lists to belong to with new discussions, new hours…long hours.

I was talking with a guy I work with who I am friends with and worked with before and he said people have come up to him and asked if I was mad. Apparently, when I’m intent or concentrating I look angry. I thought this kinda funny, and I hope no one is wary of me as a result.

I sit right next to another English major from UT named Chris, although he is considerably older than me. He has taken to referring to himself as “Chris Classic”. I guess that makes me “New Chris”.

Today is gorgeous. Go outside and play.

Two more working days until I no longer work where I’ve been for almost three years. It’s funny how the time just flows by and how when you look back and enumerate the various experiences only then does it seem like a long time. It’s also funny how total strangers become close friends and a family you spend more time with than those related by blood.

Experiences in these past years related to work:

1. Three Christmas parties, three Valentine’s Day parties, Halloween parties, launch parties, congratulations parties, and many other alcohol fueled company shindigs.
2. Three or four layoffs, two studio closures, and two so-called reorgs. Needless to say I have seen many people come and go, and honestly, I’ve mostly forgotten the ones who didn’t make it. Losing someone to a layoff is like surviving a humiliating defeat. You want to put the scene of the crime behind you. The crime being that you wanted to survive even if it meant walking over the bodies of your fallen comrades. I think they call it Survivor’s Guilt.
3. A few personal crises.
4. Three different automobiles (’87 Escort aka The Offender, ’87 Crown Victoria aka Das Boot, and ’93 Saturn aka Grown-up Camouflage.
5. The violent death of a young female coworker (car accident).
6. Various personal stages of development and dress experienced by patient coworkers. Am I maturing or just changing costume?
7. Two all-expenses paid business trips (Las Vegas and San Francisco) where I did almost nothing to justify my going. Much of the corporate world is based upon appearance rather than substance. All sound and fury, signifying nothing. Did I have a good time anyway? Yeah. My hypocrisy knows no bounds.
8. Three different supervisors and two different titles.
9. One big project I’m proud of and many other countless hours spent in mindless routine. It is definitely time for a change. Maybe next time I will do the changing myself.

On the way to work today, I spent about ten minutes daydreaming about what I will write in the valedictory email to my coworkers. Saying farewell in email is a bit of a tradition around here where most communication takes place online. I thought of a few pithy phrases and work-related anecdotes, but I’m sure I’ll forget all that when I do it tomorrow. One thing I’m sure of, whatever I write will be equal parts pompously long-winded and self-consciously sentimental. I know they would expect nothing less.