I have never read anything by Hunter S. Thompson, nor did I like the film adaptation of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas“. Yet, his suicide is strangely compelling. Who can understand the depth of another person’s pain? I can’t, but I can relate to the desire to have everything just stop. Putting the tragedy of the situation aside because I don’t pretend to know or love the man, I am in awe of anyone who commits suicide. Not because I think it’s cool or because I admire their decision, just because of how it goes against what seems to me a natural urge for continuance. Suicidal thoughts are commonplace, but the act itself is not. I always wonder how much thought goes into it. Are most suicides impulsive expressions of agony, or well-planned, well-thought actions? How can you ever be sure you’re making a decision you would not take back if you could?
Aside from all that, his family is attempting to fulfill his oft expressed wishes to have his remains cremated and shot out of a cannon. That seems perfect for someone with such an avowed passion for guns. However, it got me thinking of some cool ways to have my own body disposed of since I think I could come up with something more creative given enough time and money. Please forgive my morbidity. Who said death was the last taboo? Here are my favorite ideas:
The expensive and almost impossible:
- Body enclosed in gold sarcophagus (cool word origin) and shot into the Sun. (This was inspired by something I read in one of Iain M. Banks’ Culture sci-fi novels where people who tired of living had themselves teleported into the center of a star. Romantic.)
Bizarre variations on a biblical theme (inspired by The Last Supper):
- Remains cremated, ground up, and mixed with wine to be drunk at a masquerade party in your honor.
- Remains cremated, ground up, and mixed with the highest grade of heroin available for junkies to inject into their bloodstream. The heroin must be sold as Communion ™.
In the style of the followers of Zarathushtra:
“The body of a deceased person, believed to be contaminated by nasu (decomposition), must only be prepared and transported by special people called nassesalars. The corpse must be disposed of as quickly and efficiently as possible, and preferably without coming into contact with fire, water or the earth.
The preferred disposal method for Zoroastrians is by exposure to sunlight and birds of prey, but this method is only permitted in India, through the use of the dokhma. In Iran, where the dokhmas were banned in the early 20th century, people are sometimes buried in concrete-lined tombs, and in Australia, most Zoroastrians are cremated. In India, severe reductions in the vulture population in recent years, has prompted debates over alternative methods of disposal. “