Letter Never Sent

So, the new job is going well and I really like the people. Last week during lunch I went on a three mile hike out at Emma Long Park with a coworker. We’re going to try to make it a regular thing and get some more people into it. I would have gone with the group today, but I didn’t have the right shoes. Last time I went, I wore my Docs and while crossing the stream I got my left foot soaked, so I want to make sure I at least wear those and not these loafers I have on. That won’t do.

I’ve been trying to walk more and get more exercise since I have hit 185 lbs. I guess that’s not a whole lot since I’m 6’1″, but it’s the most I’ve ever weighed. Everyone tells me I’m just getting my ‘man’ body. I’m definitely developing my ‘man’ eyebags and forehead crags. I am noticing that over the years my face has started to sag too. Not that anyone else would notice, but that seems to be the main difference between me at 27 and me at 21, more meat on my face and a general puffiness and sag in places where everything was once taut. Age is an interesting process.

Movies I’ve seen in the past couple of weeks:

1. Dawn of the Dead:
   The woman and I went to see this. It was really scary. I forgot what a wuss I was when it comes to scary movies. For some reason, zombie movies really affect me. Maybe because your family and friends turn into walking corpses and you have to chop their heads off or blow them away. Maybe that’s it.
2. Something’s Gotta Give:
   This was really great if you like sentimental, romantic comedies, which I do. Very nice.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
   Philip, Courtney, Jody, and I went to see this on Saturday night after dinner and checking out the goodbye Origin party at Lord British‘s house. The party was crowded and since it was dark and there were few lights it was hard to mingle, so we left. The movie was a lot of fun and I really liked Kate Winslet’s character. It made me think a lot about memory and forgetting and how it’s better to go through things and process them instead of just trying to forget them.

Other things of note:

study to diagnose this problem I have where I stop breathing during sleep. I went in at 9:30pm after work on Thursday and this nice technician named Rachel hooked all these electrodes to my body before I went to bed. She was really interesting. She told me some stories about her travels to Thailand and about yoga. She’s also studying to be a massage therapist and since she has to have so many hours she told me I should call her and she could get Jody and I a free massage. She said she’d also set me up with some of her fellow classmates as massage guinea pig. I slept really lightly all night and woke up a few times. It’s weird to know that you’re on camera while sleeping. In the morning, Rachel woke me up and gave me juicy juice (which I squeezed slightly and spilt on myself) and granola bars. It was an interesting experience. I go back to the doctor in a couple weeks to find out what’s going on.

Saturday when we were out eating lunch at La Feria, I ran into this woman I went to middle school with in San Antonio. I knew I knew her, but it took me a while to go talk to her since we haven’t really talked on a regular basis since I was 11. I saw her a few years ago with her girlfriend when I worked at the photo lab on the drag. Now she’s a personal trainer and works at the YMCA helping kids out and working with them. She’s really into boxing and looks like she could beat the crap out of me. The first thing she said to me was that I really filled out. I can’t escape it. I guess I was so skinny for so long that now it’s the most obvious difference. We exchanged business cards, and who knows, maybe I’ll pay her to whip me into shape since she’s doing that whole personal trainer thing.

I will try to post more when I get some more time. Is SXSW over now? I can’t tell and I don’t know.

Jody and I were getting ready to get in the car at her place and we both heard a weird noise. I thought some sort of animal was injured or something but it just didn’t sound right. So, we kept walking towards the sound and turning our heads to zero in on it, and we looked up and there were two small owls in the tree above us. One on a branch not ten feet away and the other above and to the left above us. They were calling to each other. We stood there amazed and watched them watch us and then one flew down and buzzed us, or so it seemed, and flew to another tree. The other one closest to us stayed for a while and regarded us, and then it flew silently over to the same tree as the other. At the risk of sounding cheeseball, it was an amazing experience.

After doing some research, my best guess is that they were Whiskered Screech Owls. Most likely a breeding pair, which makes sense as they will begin laying in April or May. You can find more information and hear their call here.

I can really see myself becoming interested in bird watching. I can watch nature and wildlife shows for hours. One of my favorite ones is the National Geographic documentary on the wildlife of the Namib Desert in Africa. I remember watching this in 2nd or 3rd grade at a friend’s house. It was narrated by Burgess Meredith and had so many amazing animals, cartwheeling spiders, beetles who collected morning dew, sand-burrowing sidewinder vipers, and lizards who would moisten their own eyeballs with their tongue.

New job is okay and I like many things about it. Many things are the same, same kinda company albeit smaller and more personal, same types of people albeit different, same area albeit with a nicer view since I have a window, same free t-shirts, same breakroom-type stuff.

Enough things are different to make it fun: new people, new desk, new fast computer, new stuff to learn, new things to remember, new promises to self, new social dynamic, new work aim name, new email lists to belong to with new discussions, new hours…long hours.

I was talking with a guy I work with who I am friends with and worked with before and he said people have come up to him and asked if I was mad. Apparently, when I’m intent or concentrating I look angry. I thought this kinda funny, and I hope no one is wary of me as a result.

I sit right next to another English major from UT named Chris, although he is considerably older than me. He has taken to referring to himself as “Chris Classic”. I guess that makes me “New Chris”.

Today is gorgeous. Go outside and play.

Two more working days until I no longer work where I’ve been for almost three years. It’s funny how the time just flows by and how when you look back and enumerate the various experiences only then does it seem like a long time. It’s also funny how total strangers become close friends and a family you spend more time with than those related by blood.

Experiences in these past years related to work:

1. Three Christmas parties, three Valentine’s Day parties, Halloween parties, launch parties, congratulations parties, and many other alcohol fueled company shindigs.
2. Three or four layoffs, two studio closures, and two so-called reorgs. Needless to say I have seen many people come and go, and honestly, I’ve mostly forgotten the ones who didn’t make it. Losing someone to a layoff is like surviving a humiliating defeat. You want to put the scene of the crime behind you. The crime being that you wanted to survive even if it meant walking over the bodies of your fallen comrades. I think they call it Survivor’s Guilt.
3. A few personal crises.
4. Three different automobiles (’87 Escort aka The Offender, ’87 Crown Victoria aka Das Boot, and ’93 Saturn aka Grown-up Camouflage.
5. The violent death of a young female coworker (car accident).
6. Various personal stages of development and dress experienced by patient coworkers. Am I maturing or just changing costume?
7. Two all-expenses paid business trips (Las Vegas and San Francisco) where I did almost nothing to justify my going. Much of the corporate world is based upon appearance rather than substance. All sound and fury, signifying nothing. Did I have a good time anyway? Yeah. My hypocrisy knows no bounds.
8. Three different supervisors and two different titles.
9. One big project I’m proud of and many other countless hours spent in mindless routine. It is definitely time for a change. Maybe next time I will do the changing myself.

On the way to work today, I spent about ten minutes daydreaming about what I will write in the valedictory email to my coworkers. Saying farewell in email is a bit of a tradition around here where most communication takes place online. I thought of a few pithy phrases and work-related anecdotes, but I’m sure I’ll forget all that when I do it tomorrow. One thing I’m sure of, whatever I write will be equal parts pompously long-winded and self-consciously sentimental. I know they would expect nothing less.

For those of you who wait with baited breath for the next update on my life, I did in fact get laid off and they will close the studio at the end of April. This sounds bad, but it is actually very good. I actually asked to be laid off since I would not be moving to California. I have a new job waiting for me, and I will probably get out of all this with 3-4 months of pay on top of any work I do between now and the end of April. That means, I will likely be able to pay off most of my remaining student loans and my car. Both good things. Here is some info about it here. Change is good, and now I will no longer be working at night.

There are rumors abounding that the studio I work for, part of a huge corporation, is about to be shut down. While I was in Oklahoma this weekend a friend of mine called to tell me he had the inside scoop on this and that it was all but certain to happen as part of plans to consolidate back in California. Luckily for me, the day before I had been called and offered a job at a competitor. I wasn’t sure I’d accept as I wasn’t happy with the pay, but I did really want to move and have something with more normal hours. After getting so far with interviewing with UT, I had my mind all ready to start something new and I had trouble getting my head back into working at the same old job. So, if they’re going to close us down, I hope they do it this week. At least, they could axe me. I don’t want other people to be laid off, but if they’re going to do it, I hope they do it soon. That way….I can get severance and start a new job. Pie in the sky? I hope not!

I’m now too old to classify myself as college age or early-post-adolescent so I have been regarding those in the 18-22 range with curiosity, watching how they act, seeing if I can find characteristics that make them different or similar and I’ve been noticing a few things for a while about the way they dress that I wanted to document and fashion trends that seem to be popping up.

One of the first things I noticed was that longer hair seems to be back for men in that shaggy 70’s way, hair hanging in the eyes, general scruffiness and greasiness. Although some people look good this way I have noticed a lot of big, gross, poofy hairdos.

With winter still lingering I have also seen those tight fitting beanies on male heads. Those seem to be somewhat popular as well. And who can forget the annoying plastic web backed trucker hats that have been popular for a little while. You must wear them at a rakish angle for full effect and they should have some label sufficiently retro and hip. A Gap trucker hat just will not do.

And finally, for women, the cavegirl styling, sheepskin Ug boots. I saw at least two girls with these on at UT last week. Since they stand out, you may have noticed them too. These look good on women with good-size legs and calves which may explain their appeal somewhat, but otherwise it’s an interesting and novel choice. I wonder if they are, in part, some response to vegetarianism or veganism since wearing Ug boots are basically animal skins wrapped and stitched with little dying and preparation.