I have a tendency to distract my mind with an array of sensory stimuli. For as long as I can remember, I have not liked the dark, silence, or stillness of any kind. I habitually listen to music or talk radio while I drive or work. I like sleeping with the lights on. I feel it necessary to talk even when I have little to say. I fidget and make small movements constantly. It’s almost like I have trouble just being unstimulated or quiet. Yet, the constant stimulation and tumult exhausts me in every way. My eyes get tired and I squint from constant roving concentration. I am usually tired. One day blends into the next.
Lately, I’ve realized that I need quiet and stillness just to replenish my essential stores of energy. For the last few days I have tried driving with classical music playing quietly and it has made quite a difference. I find myself thinking about things more and remembering stuff. It’s probably obvious to most people, but it was something I had to see consciously. It is still work, but I’m trying to enjoy quiet, darkness, and stillness.