Letter Never Sent Tell me when to go.

I was reading the Austin Chronicle this afternoon while having lunch at Burger Tex and there was an item in News of the Weird about a German device which admonishes men who urinate standing up.

The WC ghost, a £6 voice-alarm, reprimands men for standing at the lavatory pan. It is triggered when the seat is lifted. The battery-operated devices are attached to the seats and deliver stern warnings to those who attempt to stand and urinate (known as “Stehpinkeln”).

It goes on to say that “that a slang word for “wimp” (sitzpinkler) is, literally, a man who sits to urinate.” This idea has come up in conversation a few times throughout my life and it is surprising to discover that a number of men urinate while sitting. The numbers seem to be around one in seven to one in four. We seem to take it for granted that men just do it standing up. I assumed this was one of the conveniences of being born a male. In other words, unless you’re there for other business why sit when you can stand? As a boy, free-standing urination becomes one of your earliest amusements. I could provide many anecdotal experiences but you’ll have to trust me on this one. There are many questions on the subject and in doing a little research there seems to be a fair amount of discussion on the issue. The most interesting thing I discovered is that many muslim men are taught to urinate while sitting. Here are a couple of things I’d like to know from men who urinate while sitting:

1. Does your father or do other men in your family sit to urinate?
2. Were you potty trained to urinate while sitting?
3. If you decided to sit later in life, what were your reasons?

From what I have gathered from researching, the sitting argument seems to go as follows:

• It is more sanitary since you do not have as much splashing. Many women who support the sit-down seem annoyed with the cleanup.
• It makes less noise than standing.
• It is more comfortable than standing.
• You can always leave the seat down, especially good for the female members of the household.

On face value, these are good arguments although a tad neurotic. My notion is that you should use whichever mode you like the most and are the most comfortable with. Here is a rebuttal of these arguments, also a result of some small amount of research:

• Urine is not that unsanitary. “In the first fifteen minutes after leaving the body, urine is absolutely sterile for the producer’s own body. Only after this period do the germs begin their work.” Most bacteria and viruses are filtered out by the body. While potentially containing toxins leeched from the body like undigested alcohol or even arsenic, it is relatively safe to drink. As for being easier to clean up, there are two points. Either practice a better aim, or women need to be less concerned with their men sitting and more concerned with their men pitching in to do their share of the chores.
• On the subject of sitting being more quiet than standing, well, I think that’s plainly neurotic. Urination is necessary to every one of the six billion people on earth. Where’s the shame? If you’re pee-shy you could always toss a wad of TP in the bowl before wind up.
• “Sitting is more comfortable than standing.” I can accept this argument. Fair enough. However, it seems easier to undo your fly than to drop trou. That’s just my opinion.
• Leaving the seat down. Again, men AND women can handle the toilet seat. I’ve never understood why this has become the primary responsibility of men, not that I mind. It doesn’t take the strength of Hercules to put it in either position. I’m more than willing to put the seat back down, as a courtesy, however this is a simple task for either party in question. Do women really back into the toilet without looking? What if there were a snake in the toilet or something crazy?

I’d like to hear what people think. Little discussions like this are so interesting.

References and related:

1. FemaleFirst: Forum. Some women argue on the subject.
2. A wee problem on Big Brother
3. Telegraph: German men told they can no longer stand and deliver
4. Manichi Daily News: More Japanese men prefer sitting whizzes
5. The Bathroom Habits Study