Letter Never Sent

On my way to Ninfa’s to meet Sabby for lunch a large bird appeared in the road before me. At first I thought it was a roadrunner, but then as I approached it turned out to be a pheasant. Yes, a pheasant crossing the access road of 183 continuing on to walk the barren gravel wasteland under the eight lanes of 183. As I made the turnaround, I stopped to watch him on the other side where he almost got hit by one of those trucks with the wood chipper on the back. I don’t know if he made it across. Where did he come from? I don’t know, but I don’t think wild pheasants live in the Austin city limits, not to mention in the business parks infesting central austin. How do I know it was a “he”? Simple. Female pheasants like females of most bird species are brownish and inconspicuous. It reminded me of the time a rooster decided to roost in our yard.

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I left Austin for the weekend on a weird note. Consider the following:

• While checking my oil at Exxon a couple of bums at the bus stop in front of Randall’s got into a fist fight. From a distance it appeared that the shirtless one was defending the honor of the obese woman who normally panhandles with the sign that testifies to her hunger, which I always find ironic since she has clearly not missed a meal. I smiled to myself thinking it was a mutual drunken slugfest, however a guy from the Taco Bell ran across the road with a golf club to rescue one of the dingy bums, who appeared to be on the defensive. Then I felt bad for laughing since the golf club guy had clearly interpreted the situation in a more sympathetic fashion. Maybe instead of a mutual slugfest it was in fact a case of one homeless guy getting his butt kicked by another who was just jealous about the obese woman? I will never know the details. As I left three of Austin’s finest rolled up to buttonhole the shirtless guy.
• Not five minutes later I was rolling down 183 at 80 mph. I spotted a pigeon, which appeared to be slowing down to land in my lane, the middle lane. I thought, it won’t land because it will see all these cars approaching. Nope. I tried to change into the left lane without swerving since it’s easy to lose control at those speeds, however I smacked the pigeon with a thunk on the right headlight. In the rear view, I saw a puff of feathers and the dead pigeon roll off to the next lane. Dang.

I spend so much time alone now that I’m getting used to my own company again. With my girlfriend living in Dallas, I spend most of my time at home scraping around in my burrow like the rats of Nimh, or Bilbo Baggins. Remember that kid who used to sit alone in his room with his sci-fi novels and dusty juvenilia? I am still that kid, only now I am heavier and hair sprouts from my face like rust.

Spending time alone has its down side. Sometimes I am the inhabitant of some cozy desert island mapping out my circumscribed existence in ragged breeches and a hat made out of a coconut husk. Only when I see others do I realize how long I’ve been marooned. Otherwise I just go about my business, folding clothes, reading library books, and drinking black tea with the sugar packets I nicked from Exxon.

• I appreciate the concise nature of lists
• Went home for lunch and ended up watching The Tyra Banks Show. It’s good as far as these things go, but why? The show works because Tyra Banks is likable and personable. She is genuine, which is strange currency for a model. During the show this guy got down on one knee and proposed to his staffer girlfriend after the revealing of her new makeover look. My eyes started welling up in response. This was followed by an immediate feeling of foolishness, and, to a lesser degree, a welcome sense that I have not grown too hard-hearted. Compared to Tyra’s cheerful ease, Oprah seems to be going through the motions.
• Here’s a strategy I want to employ based on my lunch experience: when I go out for dinner I should immediately save one half of my food to take home. This will have two benefits. One, I will have something for lunch without spending extra money, and two, I will not eat more than I need. What do you think?
• Allnetic Working Timer is the best program I’ve seen to keep track of how much time you spend on specific projects or tasks. When you’re tracking a project and go idle at the computer it even asks if you want to count the time since you went idle. If you freelance or you just need to track time for tasks or projects you need to get this. Right now I’m keeping track under the task “slacking off”. Since I track all the time I spend I can get some idea of how productive I am during the work day, which is not so good today.
• Thursday is the new Friday.

This morning I dreamt I was walking in a dark cavernous grotto littered with classical columns and marble debris. The stone cavern walls and marble debris surrounding the grotto had a blood red glow to it, the light dappled by the water. The large lake in the center glowed like an illuminated swimming pool. If you looked into the water, you could see various tiny humanoid shapes swimming in the distant depths sillouetted against the glow coming from the bottom. I walked to the edge where a merman waited, his upper half raised out of the water with his fish half undulating in the water. He was more like Glaucus than a typical merman, in fact I called him something like Glaucon or Glauca. He talked about someone named J., Jay, or Jesus. While we were talking two scaley humanoid monsters sprang out of the water and tried to pull me under from the rocky shelf where I was kneeling. While I was fighting them off, I pulled a capsule out of nowhere and cracked it open then poured the contents over the monsters. It was something caustic like holy water or acid because it burned them and forced them to let go of me. It must have been scary because I woke up and told myself about the dream so I would have a memory of it later.